The Cat in the Hat Parody
by JellyBean30
Summary: Crack!fic - This is exactly what it says on the label, a parody of The Cat in the Hat with Sherlock, Mycroft, the skull & John.


The sun did not shine.  
>I was too bored to play.<br>So I sat in the flat  
>All that cold, cold, wet day.<p>

I sat there with Mycroft.  
>We sat there, we two,<br>And I Said "How I wish  
>For a murder or two!"<p>

Too wet to track prints  
>And no DI to call.<br>So we sat in the flat.  
>We did nothing at all.<p>

So all we could do was to  
>Sit!<br>Sit!  
>Sit!<br>Sit!

And we did not like it.  
>Not one little bit.<br>And then  
>Something went BUMP!<p>

How that bump made us jump!  
>We looked!<br>Then we say him step in on the mat!  
>We looked!<br>And we saw him!  
>The Cat in the hat!<br>And he said to us,  
>"Why do you sit there like that?"<p>

"I know it is wet  
>And the sun is not sunny.<br>But we can have  
>Lots of good fun that is funny!"<br>"I know some good games we could play,"  
>Said the cat.<br>"I know some things too,"  
>Mycroft said to the cat.<br>"I know your secrets.  
>I could tell them to you."<br>"But John Watson  
>Will think you are rude if you do."<p>

Then Mycroft and I  
>Did not know what to say.<br>For John Watson was out of the flat  
>For the day.<p>

But the skull said "No! No!  
>Make that cat go away!<br>Tell that Cat in the Hat  
>You do NOT want to play.<br>He should not be here.  
>He should not be about.<br>He should not be here  
>When John Watson is out!"<p>

"Now! Now! Have no fear.  
>Oh, my dears." Said the cat.<br>"My tricks are not bad,"  
>Said the Cat in the Hat.<br>"Why, we can have  
>Lots of good fun, that's not dull,<br>With a game that I call  
>Up-up-up with a skull!"<p>

"Put me down!" said the skull.  
>"I am starting to shake!<br>Put me down!" said the skull.  
>"I do not wish to break!"<p>

"Have no fear!" said the cat.  
>"I will not let you fall.<br>I will hold you up high  
>As I stand on a ball.<br>With your phone on one hand!  
>A cup of tea on my hat!<br>But that is not all I can do!"  
>Said the cat…<p>

"Look at me!  
>Look at me now!" said the cat.<br>"With the tea and a cake  
>On the top of my hat!<br>I can hold up two phones!  
>I can hold up the skull!<br>And a violin bow!  
>And a beaker that's full!<br>And look!  
>I can hop up and down on the ball!<br>But that is not all!  
>Oh, no.<br>That is not all…

Look at me!  
>Look at me!<br>Look at me now!  
>It is fun to have fun<br>But you have to know how.  
>I can hold up the tea<br>And the beaker and cake!  
>I can hold up these phones!<br>And the skull on a rake!  
>I can hold Sherlock's bow<br>And some surgical tape!  
>And look! With my tail<br>I can hold Mycroft's cape!  
>I can twirl with the cape<br>As I hop on the ball!  
>But that is not all.<br>Oh, no.  
>That is not all…<p>

That is what the cat said…  
>Then he fell on his head!<br>He came down with a bump  
>From up there on the ball.<br>And Mycroft and I,  
>We saw ALL the things fall!<p>

And the skull came down, too.  
>He fell in a pot!<br>He said, "Do I like this?  
>Oh, no! I do not.<br>This is not a good game,"  
>Said our skull in a snit.<br>"No, I do not like,  
>Not one little bit!"<p>

"Now look what you did!"  
>Said the skull to the cat.<br>"Now look at this flat!  
>Look at this! Look at that!<br>You've broken the beaker.  
>The table has a new scrape!<br>You spilled all the tea  
>And you've torn Mycroft's cape.<br>You SHOULD NOT be here  
>When the doctor is not.<br>You get out of this flat!"  
>Said the skull in the pot.<p>

"But I like to be here.  
>Oh, I like it a lot!"<br>Said the Cat in the Hat  
>To the skull in the pot.<br>"I will NOT go away.  
>I do NOT wish to go!<br>And so," said the Cat in the Hat.  
>"So<br>So  
>So…<br>I will show you  
>Another good game that I know!"<p>

"And then he ran out.  
>And, then, fast as a fox,<br>The Cat in the Hat  
>Came back in with a box.<p>

A big red wood box.  
>It was shut with a hook.<br>"Now look at this trick,"  
>Said the cat.<br>"Take a look!"

Then he got up on top  
>With a tip of his hat.<br>"I call this game Death-in-a-box,"  
>Said the cat.<br>"In this box are two things  
>I will show to you now.<br>You will like these two things,"  
>Said the cat with a bow.<p>

"I will pick up the hook,  
>You will see something new.<br>Two things. And I call them  
>Thing One and Thing Two.<br>These Things will not bite you.  
>I'm the kinky fun one."<br>Then, out of the box  
>Came Thing Two and Thing One!<br>And they ran to us fast.  
>They said, "How do you do?<br>Would you like to shake hands  
>With Thing One and Thing Two?"<p>

And Mycroft could see  
>It was not what I'd do.<br>So he had to shake hands  
>With Thing One and Thing Two.<br>He shook their two hands,  
>But our skull said, "No! No!<br>Those Things should not be  
>In this house! Make them go!<br>They should not here  
>When the doctor is not!<br>Put them out! Put them out!"  
>Said the skull in the pot.<p>

"Have no fear, little skull,"  
>Said the Cat in the Hat.<br>"These things are good Things."  
>And he gave them a pat.<br>"It is nice to keep them  
>As pets and for play.<br>They will give you some fun  
>On this wet, wet, wet day."<p>

"Now, here is a game that they like,"  
>Said the cat.<br>"They like to sharp shoot,"  
>Said the Cat in the Hat.<p>

"No! Not in the house!"  
>Said the skull in the pot.<br>"They should not sharp shoot  
>In a house! They should not!<br>Oh, the things they will break!  
>Oh, the things they will hit!<br>Oh, I do not like it!  
>Not one little bit!"<p>

Then Mycroft and I  
>Saw them run down the hall.<br>We saw those two Things  
>Bump their guns on he wall!<br>Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!  
>Down the wall in the hall.<p>

Thing Two and Thing one!  
>They ran up! They ran down!<br>On the scope of one gun  
>John's new jumper in brown!<br>His jumper with stripes  
>That are green, white and red.<br>Then we saw one gun fire  
>On the head of his bed!<p>

Then those Things ran about  
>With big bumps, jumps and kicks<br>And with shots and big thumps  
>And all kinds of bad tricks.<br>And I said,  
>"I do NOT like they way that they play!<br>If Watson could see this,  
>Oh what would he say!"<p>

Then the skull said," Look! Look!"  
>And he rattled with fear.<br>"John Watson is on his way home!  
>Do you hear?<br>Oh, what will he do to us?  
>What will he say?<br>Oh, he will not like it  
>To find us this way!"<p>

"So DO something! Fast!" said the skull.  
>"Do you hear!<br>I saw him. John Watson!  
>John Watson is near!<br>So, as fast as you can,  
>Think of something to do!<br>You will have to get rid of  
>Thing One and Thing Two!"<p>

I knew what I needed!  
>My bee-keepers net!<br>And I said, "With my net  
>I can get them I bet.<br>I bet, with my net,  
>I can get those Things yet!"<p>

Then I let down my net.  
>It came down with a PLOP!<br>And I had them! At last!  
>Those two Things had to stop.<br>Then I said to the cat,  
>"Now you do as I say.<br>You pack up those Things  
>And you take them away!"<p>

"Oh dear!" said the cat.  
>"You did not like our game…<br>Oh dear.  
>What a shame!<br>What a shame!  
>What a shame!"<p>

Then he shut up the Things  
>In the box with the hook.<br>And the cat went away  
>With a sad kind of look.<p>

"That is good," said the skull.  
>"He has gone away. Yes.<br>But John Watson will come.  
>He will find this big mess!<br>And this mess is so big  
>And so deep and so tall.<br>We can not pick it up.  
>There is no way at all!"<p>

And THEN!  
>Who was back in the house?<br>Why, the cat!

"Have no fear of this mess,"  
>Said the Cat in the Hat.<br>"I always pick up all my playthings  
>And so…<br>I will show you another  
>Good trick that I know!"<p>

Then we saw him pick up  
>All the things that were down.<br>He picked up the cake,  
>And the rake, and the tea,<br>And the beaker, and jumper,  
>And the phones, and the cape.<br>And the bow, and the ball,  
>And the surgical tape.<br>He picked up the skull  
>And he put him away.<br>Then he said, "That is that."  
>And he winked and was gone<br>With a tip of his hat.

Then John Watson came in  
>And he said to us two,<br>"Did you have any fun?  
>Tell me. What did you do?"<p>

And Mycroft and I did not know  
>What to say.<br>Should we tell him  
>The things that went on there that day?<p>

Should we tell him about it?  
>Now, what SHOULD we do?<br>Well…  
>What would YOU do<br>If John Watson asked YOU?


End file.
